(Prompt: Leave It Behind as a part of Suzanne Eller’s #livefree Thursday linkup)

And Linking up Friday with Grace and Truth Today

Blotting Out Control

Isaiah 43:25 “I, I am He who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins.”

Well, you can definitely say I have a thing or two, or a MILLION that need “blotting out” of my life. It’s frustrating to tackle each little something that is wrong with us. Ultimately those “little things” are just symptoms crying aloud from a bigger something.

My bigger something?

I want to be in control.

I like to be in the driver’s seat. And if I am honest, I’m constantly living like “Excuse me Jesus, mind if I take the wheel for a minute?”

I am in an eternal arm wrestling match with my ugly little-miss-I-gotta-control-everything-please-and-thank-you mentality.

Walk T’ Plank Ye Little Urchins

My control freakishness rears its ugly head the most in dealing with my little ones.

TRUTH: I am so ashamed of my eldest daughter’s first 4 years of life.

Excuse my French, but I micro-managed that poor little thing so much she could hardly fart without me crawling all over her. I went overboard trying to keep her out of trouble.

I was the “Soup-nazi” of mothering. I barked out orders as soon as Emily could cruise around the sides of furniture. And when she was completely mobile? Oh Lord, forgive me for the stress and agony I inflicted upon those around me.

I was more worried about her touching, breaking, climbing on or destroying stuff than the people who owned it.

Then one day, like a light switch, I finally started to see the impact my controlling behavior was having on onlookers.

It was a sobering picture.

I was pretty disgusted with who I had become…or who I already was. And my tool of sanctification named “child” was the means through which God graciously revealed it to me.

Two kids later, I’m a little better, but I still run a pretty tight ship. And I don’t mean that in a super-mom kind of way where everything ebbs and flows smoothly around the house. I mean it in the “crazy overbearing mom” way where “You best be obeying your mother,” or consider yourself shark bait.

Buy why? Why do I have such trouble letting them be themselves?

I’m worried they’ll do something, anything…EVERYTHING.

They might embarrass me, or inconvenience me or they will just plain irritate me.

KEYWORD: ME

It’s hard to come face to face with the ugliness of who we are. I have to accept that This. Is. The “Real ME.”

I feel like a failure of a mother and wife—and a person in general. How can I possibly reflect Christ if I am being controlled by my desires and not His?

Answer: I CAN’T.

Behaving like a selfish brat and forcing my hand to get everyone around me to conform to my will does harm not good, even if it results in me “getting what I want.” Instead, I should be submitting to God’s control and seeking to conform to HIS will.

Enter the extremist in me.

It can be tempting to take on a defeatist attitude, throw your hands up and say “Well, there’s no way I can fix this.” This is where I am so tempted to quit. So tempted.

But I have to take that thought captive. And replace it with TRUTH.

What about the fact that I have the source of all the power of God and Heaven living in me?? This is what I need to focus on.

Christ in me=All I need to escape the vice grip of being a control freak.

And I’m claimin’ it.

That Day I Decided to Leave the Control Freak in Me Behind

A declaration like this is a virtual invitation-no, more like a DARE for the attack to show up on your doorstep. It’s not because the fight got any worse, but instead, now you have eyes to see the battle. And it’s fierce out there.

Once I was willing to admit my sinfulness to God and agree with Him that I am a control freak, things started to change. I knew I needed help. I had to decide to put on His peace…

Peace that my children have to be children, but I need to train them in Godliness.

Peace that something might get broken, but no amount of barking will prevent it if that is what my sovereign Lord allows in order to teach me more about Him.

Peace that God ultimately controls everything, and I need to TRUST Him to do His job while I do mine (obey).

Peace that Jesus Christ has FORGIVEN all my past, present and future sins, and that God “blots out my sin” from the pages of His memory. And I should do the same.

Does this mean that I never fail anymore?

Nope.

Do I still ask Jesus to let me take the wheel? Well, let’s just say, I don’t always ask…

And sometimes I even find myself looking back.

But God is teaching me to press on—to walk in the freedom He so lavishly rained down on me. So, I step forward moment by moment seeking…

I’m waving the white flag in the face of the control I never owned, but fought so hard to hold on to. And I am learning to embrace the freedom of knowing I am eternally safe in the grip of God’s control.

And if HE can blot out my sin of control, then by the power invested in me (Christ),

So. Can. I.

Photo Credit: Creation Swap, Control Freak, John Purkey