Spiritual change evolves from vulnerability. And for some, vulnerability can show up in the simplest of tasks. Even sex, a task meant for expressing love in its deepest form.
I’d rather be buried alive than to have sex in the middle of the day with my husband.
Beams of yellow cascade all around me and spotlight my very soul. It is terrifying to me. Nothing is hidden in this moment.
The closest I can get to returning to the protection of my safe envelope of night is closing my eyes. But he sees that.
In fact there is nothing he doesn’t see.
And oddly enough, in the intensity of this intimate moment with my husband, new life is suddenly breathed into a familiar truth about God.
In the same way I want to run and hide from my husband, I sometimes try running from God. We all run from God in some way. I wish I could say my running only takes place in the bedroom, but it doesn’t.
I run from God in so, so many ways…
With my children,
With my time/energy,
With the deepest parts of me—the raw thoughts and feelings that I don’t want anyone to know about.
Whom Shall I Fear
To be brutally honest, we run from intimate moments in the light because of one simple thing.
We have to dig deep and ask God to reveal what is at the root of our fears. And exposing those roots must be done through the lens of the word of truth.
God wants what’s best for His children, yet I find myself questioning the “How?” How will He bring what’s best about? Sometimes God’s “best” leaves me feeling open and naked just like an afternoon “frolic” in the bedroom.
Maybe you get caught in this trap—you think about how you would like God to act in a certain situation. You settle the plans within yourself, “I can be okay with that.”
We send those concoctions up to Him in prayer faster than a ladies’ group gets a hot meal to a new momma’s door.
And then we wait and hope…hoping God will put His stamp of approval on the path we laid out before Him rather than submitting to His plans.
Psalm 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
The LORD is my stronghold of life.
Anything that comes to be passes through the loving hands of our God.
If He casts light on a path we wouldn’t chose or illuminates secret things, we do we fear it?
I think the answer is simple. It’s just hard.
No matter how far we come, the old man in us truly believes that we know what is best. We would rather run and hide from the truth or the hard stuff that dips us into weakness rather than experience the discomfort of not knowing fully where God will lead.
But the Lord is our strength, and with strength like that where is room for fear?
We have to cross the finish line of belief. We have to truly believe that God knows what is best in the big things and the small things–that He knows just what to do transform us into the radiant image of His Son.
Even if it means flashing His light of glory on us with everything exposed.
You might find me linking with these lovlies:
Testimony Tuesday with Holly
#RaRaLinkup with Kelly http://purposefulfaith.com/
Woman 2 Woman with Meredith
Three Word Wednesday with Kristin http://www.kristinhilltaylor.com/
#TellHisStory with Jennifer Dukes Lee http://jenniferdukeslee.com/
#LiveFreeThurdsay with Suzanne Eller, http://tsuzanneeller.com/
Coffee for Your Heart with Holly
http://arabahjoy.com/ — Grace and Truth
Fellowship Fridays, http://equippinggodlywomen.com/