Brave is the New Sexy

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racoon

I’m not brave and I am not sexy either (though my husband might be of another opinion about the latter).

I also don’t like to let my guard down. And letting your guard down (among other things) is sort of the point in the sexual relationship. In order to do that I have to be super brave–I am anything but brave.

I am FULL of fear.

You ever heard the saying “Getting caught with your pants down?”

It pretty much sums up the fear inside of me when I am left open and exposed emotionally. (And while we’re being honest, I don’t actually like being naked either.)

I have a dream…

I heard it said that dreams reveal a lot about us. I personally believe there is some truth to this opinion.

Nothing describes my fear of vulnerability (aside from that off-color phrase I mentioned ^^^up there) than this dream I have caught myself having again and again.

I constantly dream that I am on the toilet. (Sorry, but it gets worse…)

Without clothes… (told ya)

And suddenly all of the protective walls that hide my nakedness either shrink before my eyes or disappear!

So there are I am—

NAKED on the TOILET in PUBLIC.

My fear of vulnerability in a nutshell.

When Sex is “Fright Night”

So don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a problem with honesty or openness. I can control how much I share in those situations. And talking isn’t physical.

But in the realm of the bedroom, specifically sex—it feels like walking through a haunted house—spooky surprises at every turn, and no real way to prepare for them.

Not everyone experiences haunted houses in the same way. I have seen some people leave a haunted house crying, and others leave laughing. Fear is often a simple matter of perspective.

Like wandering around in a haunted house, the dark corners of my bedroom are terrifying. I have no earthly barrier between my flesh and my husband. Yet, he should be the person I feel the safest and most secure with here on earth, but I don’t.

And truth be told, he isn’t the problem. It’s me.

I have actually conditioned myself to be adverse to natural and normal desires. Desires in my mind are far worse than all the external influences. Those internal firings—feelings—are terrifying to me.

I’ll stuff a turkey with those feelings quicker than you can say “Thanksgiving.”

I don’t want to be controlled by my emotions, so I have learned over the years to cut them off and shove them deep down.

And now, I don’t know how to find those feelings. If I do actually find them, a large part of me doesn’t want them for fear of being consumed by them.

The Power of Love

1 Corinthians 7:4 says “The wife hath not power over her own body…”

Powerless over my own body… That’s scary times right there, but there’s more—

“The wife hath not power over her own body, but the husband…”

The power over my body belongs to my husband.

As I let that sink in, it scares me to death—especially if I look at sex apart from God’s design. Without a spiritual filter on sex we will miss the depth of God’s love for us. His perfect love should cast out the fear of relinquishing bodily authority to our spouses.

So where is the “brave” amidst all this fear?

John 8:32 “and ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” (ASV)

My “brave” is cultivated through the knowledge of the truth of God’s word. As I reflect on the Word becoming flesh coupled with the words of life found in the bible, I have what I need take steps to obey…

-To offer myself freely to my husband with no rules,
-To be in his presence unashamed,
-To love him sacrificially reflecting the love of Christ to him.

Is it still a scary place to go?

You bet.

But Christ is worthy. He is worthy enough for me to make strides to bust through my fears in order to carry out my part in His design for marriage.

Do I still shed a layer of “bravery” when I am standing without clothing before my husband?

Yes—kind of like that nightmare-ish dream I told you about.

But when my mind is gird with truth, I can dare to be bare and brave all at the same time!

You may also see me linking up with these lovelies:

Testimony Tuesday with Holly

#RaRaLinkup with Kelly http://purposefulfaith.com/

Woman 2 Woman with Meredith

Three Word Wednesday with Kristin http://www.kristinhilltaylor.com/

#TellHisStory with Jennifer Dukes Lee http://jenniferdukeslee.com/

#LiveFreeThurdsay with Suzanne Eller, http://tsuzanneeller.com/

Coffee for Your Heart with Holly

http://arabahjoy.com/ — Grace and Truth

#DancewithJesusLinkup, http://www.susanbmead.com/blog-2/

Fellowship Fridays, http://equippinggodlywomen.com/

TGA Writes

http://wp.me/p5NQtb-6Z

18 thoughts on “Brave is the New Sexy”

  1. You are one brave woman! Not only are you writing about sex in a Christian blog but you had the audacity to quote I Corinthians 7:4. I’m just betting people are immediately trying to find alternate meanings to that verse.

    I’ll save ’em some time. For context, here’s verses 3 & 4: “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”
    For definitions: Authority means just what it sounds like. To add to that it’s actually “to be brought under the power of anyone” so it is his job to protect us.
    (Of course, I have come across a few jerks who bastardize this to mean they can beat the crud out of their wife but that is a totally different story!)

    Anyway, I didn’t come on to preach a sermon, only to say that our rebellious little souls really don’t want to hear this. Good for you girlfriend! Truth isn’t always easy!
    (I was about to say something like “Thanks for baring your soul” and realized that would sound like a horrible pun!)

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  2. Christy, I’m your neighbor on #LiveFreeThursday. You have written bravely and vulnerably, and I’m sure there are others who struggle as you do. My prayer is that God will enable each one to realize the full potential of a marriage incl. in the bedroom. Things taught in the past have contributed to some of the fear that women have. I pray that God will free each one of the fears so that the time in the bedroom will not be scary, but fulfilling and bring glory to God.

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  3. Whoa. Girl. You went there, didn’t you?! You just ROCK! This is bold… and THIS. IS. BRAVE. I mean…. you just took brave to a whole new level, sista! I love it. I’m inspired by you. So many stinking women need to hear this. I struggled with sex for yearrrrrrrrs, and if we’re being honest, there are certain aspects of it (mainly “fun” little change-it-ups that are my hubby’s ideas) that still just make me wish I’d become a nun (wink, wink). And I hate it. I absolutely hate that this part of me exists; mostly for his sake, of course. This gives embarrassed, ashamed women COURAGE! Thank you for going there and being brave as all get out. Praying for you as you continue to draw breaths of bravery in the moments where you want to stop breathing altogether. Blessings, sweet thang! #livefree

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  4. I don’t know your history, but I know mine, and I know that sex is sometimes scary and vulnerable and difficult for me because of it. It DOES require an act of bravery, but I had never thought about it in these terms. Thanks for this fresh perspective and encouragement to continue to be one with my husband!! ❤

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  5. Glad to find a blog that tackles problems we women only talk about in hushed tones. After 50 years of marriage some of what you wrote about has gotten easier and some of it has not. The selfish part of me is till there and unless I want to bless my husband more then myself then I can become anxious over “sex”. I think knowing I am to present my body a living sacrifice to my husband helps me to realize God understands me as a woman. Often we do sacrifice for our mates in intimate ways which always brings feelings of peace. Great post and you are brave.

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  6. Great post. Brave and vulnerable. Love it and you are not alone. Many women struggle through finding this type of freedom, it took me years to be comfortable and sometimes I still struggle. Visiting from #FellowshipFridays and love that you tackled this topic.

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  8. Thank you for your transparency in writing this today. I imagine that you summed up how the majority of women feel but will never day out loud let alone write about it. Blessed to be your neighbor at #TellHisStory today.

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  9. Great post! Brave post! I was like…are we going there? And we went there!! And you know what? Your thoughts are the thoughts of so many wives out there. Thanks for these precious words. I’m sure a lot of husbands thank you, too!

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  10. You are brave! I am one of those who usually runs out of Haunted Houses with tears streaming down my faith. Brene Brown talks about how being vulnerable is one of the scariest things we will ever do in our lives. My OneWord365 for 2015 is “brave!” I want to be more brave too!

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  11. Yes!! It took me years to feel comfortable being totally naked in front of my husband (with the light on) and I’ve been so grateful for the freedom I’ve experienced through being brave and confronting that fear. I’m grateful for this encouragement and transparency, so much so in fact that I’m going to feature this article on Friday’s next round of Grace & Truth so be sure to go to my blog on Friday for an “I’ve Been Featured” button for this post. Thank you for linking this with us at Grace & Truth!

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