Taking SEX from Shame-FULL to Shame-LESS
Healing the Broken Bedroom Friday
Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. (ESV)
I have always felt like sex was a shameful act.
I didn’t know much about it except that “good girls” don’t do that. And, it was “no-no” stuff. From time to time I experimented in varying degrees. But after, I felt so guilty and especially shameful.
And honestly? I should have felt shameful, but for the right reasons.
I built wrong thoughts of sex in my brain influenced by my up-bringing and some of my own conclusions. Those thoughts put me a speeding train that nearly destroyed my marriage.
Bottom line?
I was not thinking about sex on God’s terms. Even if I said, “Yeah, yeah…I know it is good. God made it. It has to be good, right?”
In my mind I was still stuck in shame.
Un-stucking My Shame-FULL Views
I never really fully believed God’s words about sex. That “good girl” of the past kept whispering that sex was “dirty, nasty, and shame-FULL” in my ear.
I didn’t want to be any of those things. So, I believed lies for 18 years. Those lies caused me to construct walls of “protection“ around myself so I didn’t have to do the “nasty.”
But that is just it. It isn’t nasty. Or dirty…or SHAME-FULL.
God made it for husband and wife to “be fruitful and multiply.” And to “cleave” to one another.
He made it to be a shame-LESS expression of love. I just needed to be convinced of that. I need HIM to convince me of that.
And after 18 years, I broke completely. I got raw and HONEST with the Lord.
REAL HONEST.
I told Him “Yeah God, I know you said…BUT, I don’t really believe that! How can that possibly be true?”
He didn’t strike me dead. Nope. (not this time!)
By His Spirit He took me to verses I had read and heard teaching on countless times. He did a little open-brain surgery. Those verses opened up life-giving truth to me I had never understood before.
That’s the power of God’s word! He wants to “Un-stuck” each of us. He doesn’t want us living feeling shameful for things He made to be good. We have to take Him at His word.
If you’re stuck in shame, I want to help you if I can! Check out this recent post on my journey with God. (I even did a short Vlog!)
Healing the Broken Bedroom of the Frigid Wife
Let’s heal together and LIVE FREE in Christ together!!
Linking up with Suzie Eller on #LiveFree Thursday! http://tsuzanneeller.com/
And Susan B. Meade #DanceWithJesus http://www.susanbmead.com/
http://equippinggodlywomen.com/
Grace and Truth Linkup http://arabahjoy.com/
faithlikedirtydiapers.com 
I learned through the years that this could be the most beautiful and intimate aspect of our relationship. I grieve over too many women who struggle with shame in this area, or with men who struggle to help their spouse break through that barrier. I love that you are stepping into this conversation with such a healing look at physical intimacy and the God factor. Thank you for that!
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Thanks for your encouragement! We are finding there is a great need in this area, and. God comforted us through our struggle and equipped us to minister hope and help to those in need! 😊
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I am single so not an area of life that I get to experience.. but during my training as a christian counselor at my grad school took classes from amazing leading Christian sex therapist.. they talked about how the church does not talk about these issues.. kudos for talking about it and bringing freedom from shame sister!
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Thanks for your encouragement Jen! If you can’t talk about sex in church where CAN yo talk about it?? lol But yes, it is SO true! 🙂 Thanks for visiting!
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Yes, breaking those thought patterns is the first step in the healing process. Thoughtful and brave post!
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Thanks Kristine, Glad you stopped in! So glad to share community with you! 🙂
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I love what you are doing, my friend. Keep up the great work!
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HUGS, sister! Thanks for encouraging me! You keep on for Jesus too! Your words matter! So much! 🙂
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I think the problem lies in that the church is not really talking about sex and how God views it. It leaves our young people wondering and curious, so they look for answers, and unfortunately get those answers from the world. The enemy has stolen something that was meant to be beautiful, and has perverted it. It’s time we take it back.
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YES, Trena! Amen! The Father of lies need to get the BOOT! Let’s take back what God made to be a unique and special expression of LOVE! 🙂
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Oh yes! Been there, done that. We are told ‘no’ until we are married, then all of us sudden it is ‘yes’. Unfortunately, the ‘no’ often made it seem like a gross or shameful thing, so then it was hard to flip the switch when we married and all of a sudden, it be a wonderful thing. So blessed by you.
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It is so true and can be confusing. So confusing that it almost ruined my marriage! Aww, Leah you bless me too! So glad God crossed our paths! 😉
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You’re bringing hope and an avenue toward shameless sex. High five on that one, because I’m guessing it’s a huge issue in Christian marriages. You’re brave. Continue to step in His path. You’re doing a lovely job. Visiting via #DanceWithJesusLinkUp.
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Hi Kristi, Thanks for stopping in and thank you so much for your encouragement! It’s all God’s idea (trust me) and the boldness-and well, EVERYTHING-comes from Him! 🙂 Thanks for linking up!
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You share powerful truths here! This reminds me of Satan’s intent to steal, kill, and destroy even those things God intends for our abundant life. May we learn to detect the lies and fight them with the truth! Thanks for linking up with us at Grace & Truth.
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