Walls of a “Frigid Wife” Aren’t Built in a Day
“I’m tired. I spent all day building walls.”
My husband is a pastor/contractor, and sometimes he says things that starts the gears a-turnin’ in my writer’s brain.
Though he meant this statement in the literal sense, I began thinking over the figurative implications of it…all of the sudden I was contemplating how it applied to me.
I thought of how tiring it can be to shut someone out.
I thought about all the work it takes to build those walls.
I thought about now that the wall is up, how I was unable to see out even though I was just trying to keep him from seeing in.
Yes, I said him.
Sadly, I have been building a wall in my marriage. After almost 20 years, it has become less like a wall and more like a fortified stronghold.
The Fridge Keeps Things COLD
I am what they call a “Frigid Wife.”
I am embarrassed and ashamed to say that it started on our honeymoon.
All the dreams of wedded bliss (sex) that a young married couple longs to experience (sex) when they are dating (sex) were dashed that very night we walked down the aisle.
Something in me snapped—
And unexpectedly, I was no longer interested in the “taboo” physical activity that was so hard to resist days before. Fear had me frozen.
I was hoping after a time or two that my hubby’s interest in sex would wear off. But seriously? A young man in the prime of his life? Yeah, good luck with that one.
So, I started becoming angry (wrongfully) that his desire didn’t just “go away” or become satisfied after a week of a couple times here and there.
And whether I knew it or not, my subconscious mind began drawing blue prints on my present-day fortress. My stronghold…
Little by Little, Brick by Brick
Now years later, I am soooo in over my head. After investing oodles of time and energy trying to protect myself from something I feared and had wrong perceptions about, I finally see the walls towering around me.
This has to STOP. And more than that, it needs to be demoed A.S.A.P.
But it seems impossible.
I honestly have no clue how to dismantle my impenetrable ice palace that would put Queen Elsa of Annandale to shame. Only mine is not nearly as pretty—not even close. Mine looks more like that sloppy snowman with a misshaped trunk mixed with dirt, leaves and debris.
But even though I totally don’t know how to do this, I know someone Who does. And in fact, He never wanted me to build this thing to begin with. And I know HE wants it gone!
2 Corinthians 10:3-6 says this:
3 For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. 5 We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, 6 being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete.
What I built in my sinful flesh has to be dismantled by “divine power.” I CANNOT do this alone. I need the Spirit of God to intervene in a mighty way.
So, I need to “Go to the mattresses.” (I’m quoting You’ve Got Mail here, not The Godfather by the way, but pun most definitely intended…)
It is time to fight! And the proverbial wrecking ball of my fortress is truth.
In order to destroy these “wrong arguments”, to “take thoughts captive” and “punish every disobedience to obey Christ”, I have to DEMOLISH those lies.
We need the truth because our flesh is no match for the lies.
We need the power of the living word to attack each and every justification, wrong thought and rationalization. And He who wants to wash and sanctify us, has all power and authority to get the job done. We just need to believe Him.
Many Hands Make Light Work
Just like it took time and effort to get that fortress built, it will take time and effort to tear it down.
Maybe you have an ice palace built around you, too. Please know you aren’t alone.*
We all struggle. We all fall into traps and lies—we humans tend make a complete mess of things—things that God made to be beautiful.
But the best part? We don’t have to remain there.
If you want to go on this journey of healing with me, come on! We have strength in numbers.
It’s time to “bring down the [ice] house” in the name of Jesus.
Let’s do this together.
*Ladies, this offer is real.
I want you to know that I am willing to share what I am learning. We can become prayer partners in our struggles. Please message me and let me know what I can do as your sister in Christ to pray for you and let’s obey the word…together.
A song that gives me hope…https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpjUIq7ahrQ
Linking Up with these lovelies:
Testimony Tuesday with Holly
#RaRaLinkup with Kelly http://purposefulfaith.com/
Woman 2 Woman with Meredith
Three Word Wednesday with Kristin http://www.kristinhilltaylor.com/
#TellHisStory with Jennifer Dukes Lee http://jenniferdukeslee.com/
Coffee for Your Heart with Holly
http://arabahjoy.com/ — Grace and Truth
Fellowship Fridays, http://equippinggodlywomen.com/fellowship-friday/featuring-faith-love-chocolate/
#GiveMeGrace with Lisha at seespeakhearmama.com
Photo Credit: Creations Swap, Frosty Needles Close, Marsha Galyard